Five Years

Can it really be five years? Some days it feels like it was yesterday. Some days it feels like a lifetime ago. Some days it feels like it was just a nightmare and that it never really happened.

Five years ago today, September 17, 2004, our family welcomed our beautiful Katherine into our lives. We went into that day thinking we were going to meet a perfectly healthy baby and that she would soon be home with us and fit into our fun. However, our world was turned upside down a few short hours after her birth. I will never forget my husband turning to me and saying, "We have a problem. It's her heart." Our world changed in that moment.

Our perfect little girl was broken on the inside and we had no power to fix things. A simple kiss from Mommy couldn't make things better. All of the skinned knees, bruises, etc. that I had spent nearly 12 years kissing away did not prepare me to be able to fix it this time. We had to completely and totally turn her over to the One who had knit her together.

And turn her over we did. We cried and begged and prayed for God to heal her broken little heart. I sat by her bedside and whispered into her ear all of the plans I had for her. I looked for God's goodness in her life every day.

In the end, He chose to take her home to be with Him. She lived exactly six weeks. In that time, my faith grew and I developed a new sense of what it is to hope in God. He has proven Himself over and over again over the past five years as He has held us and comforted us.

This day is always hard for me as I can imagine celebrating with her. I can imagine the cake and the ice-cream. The dolls. Her smile as we sing Happy Birthday. Instead of those things, the Lord has replaced them with hope. Hope in seeing her again someday as we feast with Him and sing His praises forever.