I Still Believe

It’s so hard to believe that four years has passed. As I sit and think, in a way it seems like it was forever ago. On the other hand, it feels like it was yesterday.

She was prayed for, longed for and loved. On September 17th, 2004, I gave birth to a perfectly beautiful baby girl. We had eagerly anticipated the arrival of our new family member. Her carseat was ready, her clothes were carefully folded in her drawers and our hearts were ready to receive her.

The last week was rough. She was late and I was miserable. Friday night we finally ended up in the emergency room and she was born soon after. Immediately, there was a problem. I remember a NICU team from a hospital across town coming into my room with her. She needed to be transferred.

The older kids were spending the night at the grandparents’ house. Don and I slept fitfully in my hospital room while our newborn was miles away. The following morning brought a phone call from the NICU. I will never forget my husband looking at me after hanging up and saying, “We have a problem. It’s her heart.”

That began six weeks worth of ups and downs; an emotional roller coaster. We learned more than we ever thought possible about a heart condition which we had not even previously known existed-Ebstein’s Anomaly. Doctors spoke to us in technical terms. Nurses updated us faithfully. Friends prayed for us continually.

When I visited her bedside on that Friday afternoon, my heart told me that it was her time. I whispered into her ear that it was OK to go to her eternal home. I collected her things, took them with me and went home to have dinner with the rest of the family. A few hours later, the call came. She was slipping fast and we needed to go be with her. We drove quietly to the hospital and gathered around her.

As they removed the tube for her ventilator, she quickly slipped away. I remember watching her daddy touching her forehead and thinking, “She just passed from her father’s hand into her Father’s Hand.” Our baby girl was gone.

Some have said that the death of a child is life’s hardest tragedy to endure. No doubt that it is more than anyone can bear without Christ. But, I still believe because He has said, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (Romans 8:18)

Some have said they admire the strength of our family. The truth is that He is the strength from which we draw. I still believe because, “The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.” (Psalm 118:14)

Some have been inspired by our faith. In spite of our times of doubt and struggles, He has remained ever faithful. I still believe because of His faithfulness, “For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.” (Psalm 57:10)

Some have prayed for our comfort. Prayers from our friends have been invaluable. I still believe because He has promised comfort, “Blessed are those who morn, for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4)

Some have asked how I go on day by day. He is good and I trust that He is working. I still believe because of his plan, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28)

I still believe because I have hope that I will see my little girl again some day. The Lord holds her and she praises Him. I am confident that she served Him well and that she was greeted by Him saying, “Well done my good and faithful servant.”

Because of Him, I still believe…