The Night Before...

I wanted to share what happened on Tuesday night. The night before the anniversary of Katherine's passing.

It was Tuesday night. Every Tuesday night we go to a local, family owned Mexican restaurant. Most of us order the same thing. Our regular server doesn't even bother to bring us menus and she knows our order well.

This week, Don decided to order the carne asada-the whole steak-while he usually orders a carne asada taco. It was with his first bite or two that the problem occurred. This is a recurring problem for him. His food will get "stuck" in his esophagus and refuse to go down. It's a painful experience for him and a scary experience for those of us watching.

Usually, the food will go down eventually. This time it was stubborn. It doesn't affect his breathing but causes great discomfort. I finally asked if he thought he should seek medical attention. He finally relented. Never before had it come to this.

So, we headed off to the hospital...the hospital where Katherine was born...on the night before the anniversary of her death. I could feel my anxiety building. This is the third year in a row we have ended up in that ER during the months of September and October; right in the middle of her birth day and her death day.

They attempted to treat him with medication but it wasn't working. As I was sitting by his bedside, the doctor walked in and told us that he was to be admitted for the night and that a GI team would do an endoscopy the next morning. I sat-stunned. He turned to me and asked how it would affect the next day. I started to cry and said, "It's just that...Katherine..."

I could not bare the thought of my husband in *that* hospital, having a "procedure" on the anniversary of our daughter's death. I told the doctor why I was so upset and I could see the look of compassion on her face. She left us alone to talk about it. After a few minutes, I went to the waiting room to tell the kids.

Several minutes later, the doctor and our attending nurse came back in and told us that the GI doctor had decided to do the procedure that night and that he would be there in 30 minutes. I'm convinced that the compassion of that ER doctor was a factor in the GI doctor deciding to come in that night.

I talked to the kids again. I took them home, put the baby to bed and headed back to the hospital for the procedure. Thank the Lord that we live so incredibly close to this hospital and that we had this option.

The procedure began about 10:45 and I was back with Don by about 11:20. It went well and they did a repair on his esophagus that should prevent this problem from happening anymore. He was discharged shortly after and we were home right at midnight...just minutes before the calendar rolled over to October 29th.

The thought of being in the hospital on that day was overwhelming to me. But, God, in His mercy allowed a sensitive doctor to motivate others in order to allow us to be together and *not* in the hospital on that day. I am so thankful for His provision and His protection over my husband.

So, another milestone has passed and we bask in His care for us!

Blessed Be the Name of the Lord!

Four years….

Four years ago, today, our dear little daughter entered her heavenly rest. I admit…I’m struggling with it a bit right now. I miss her. I wonder what she would be like. What would she be learning now? Would she be funny like her sister or more serious like her older brother?

Today, I really feel the loss. There will be no first trip to Disneyland. She won’t excitedly show me her first lost tooth. I won’t teach her to add. We won’t bake cookies together. There will be no secrets to tell me.

The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the Lord.

I can honestly say that my faith has never wavered due to the loss of my daughter. I do wonder why her time with us was so short and I would do anything to have her back with us but I trust in the Lord’s perfect plan and, like Job, I can declare, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

During her short life and in the months following, we were so thankful to see God’s work in our own lives and the lives around us. We literally had people from all over the world praying for us, thinking of us, helping with meals, and even contributing to our mounting medical bills.

Some wrote to us with stories of recommitting their lives to the Lord as a result of following our story. Some wrote with stories of forgiveness and reconciliation. Some told us how their prayer lives had been renewed as they were on their knees for us.

After Katherine died, the medical bills began to roll in. All told, they amounted to right at $1 million dollars for her six weeks with us. But, the Lord provided there as well. Her condition coupled with the fact that she never left the hospital qualified her for California Children’s Services. That program took care of the vast majority of the expenses.

But, I want to testify to the more of the Lord’s goodness where the finances were concerned. Some friends of ours made our needs known to a broad audience. Money began to pour in. They raised enough money to take care of the delivery portion of Katherine’s birth that our insurance did not cover.

Another friend had contacted me via e-mail and excitedly told me to look for something in the mail. She was sending something. I waited with great anticipation and, soon, an envelope came. It contained an amazing letter from my friend and a money order for just under $500. She told me how a teen aged daughter of a dear friend of hers had heard of our story and was so moved that she had to do something. She sought permission from a local store manager to hold a bake sale in Katherine’s honor in front of the store. The money order was the fruit of that sale. Just a few days before I opened that letter (and a few weeks after her passing), we had received a bill related to Katherine’s treatment in the mail that was just under $500. What an amazing provision.

We can clearly look back and see how He has provided for us again and again from the spiritual to the physical to the emotional realm! We praise Him because He cares for us. We long to join our Katherine in heaven and to behold the One who has not abandoned us!

My prayer for you, friends is this-in your life, when the Lord gives and the Lord takes away, you will bless the name of the Lord. He is Good and His steadfast love endures forever!

(PS...I want to also offer my love and prayers today to my friend Amanda. Amanda's Abigail would have been 13 today. Amanda, I love you, I remember Abigail with you and I pray that the Lord will wrap His loving arms of comfort around you.)

Sharing a Homeschool Treasure

Today I wanted to share one of my favorite homeschooling sites:

Homeschool Share




Homeschool moms are so incredibly resourceful and creative and those who participate at HSS are no exception! Plus, they are willing to share it with all of us. This is a great thing to those who, like me, don't have a creative bone in their bodies.

There are so many incredible free resources all in one place. Really--something for everyone! They have also, recently, added message boards so that you can actually hang out with the creative ladies. :-)

Don't miss this wealth of information! Thank you, Ami, and your team, for offering such a great place for homeschooling moms!

Fall! Glorious Fall!

Or...at least somewhere, I'm sure it's glorious! I have a romantacized version of fall in my head where leaves transform into brilliant colors and gracefully make their way to the ground where tiny little feet crunch, crunch, crunch in them.

Somewhere, the deep hues of orange, red and yellow burst forth in magnificence! I'm sure that there is a chill in the air and the scent of a comforting fire wafting about. In my mind's eye, there are families giggling as they snuggle together to drink warm, spiced apple cider.

In reality, I live in Southern California where it is 95 degrees today and the Santa Ana winds are blowing. The only leaves on the gound are the ones that the the winds have forcefully removed from the trees. There are no fantastic colors. In fact, each "season" here looks virtuall the same as the last.

Don't get me wrong--I am completely content where the Lord has placed me. I live close to my elderly grandmother and have the blessing of having her as a integral part of my family's life. My husband works close to home and doesn't fight the California commute. My neighbors are wonderful.

But, I do dream of experiencing a true fall! One day, maybe, I'll find myself on a fall foliage tour in New England and be just giddy. I'll wear a warm sweater and sip hot chocolate while I walk along a quiet road. I'll fall asleep content with my new experience.

Until then, I am living vicariously through the blogs I visit. I'm thankful that some of my fellow bloggers have shared their falls in both pictures and words with me! Candace in the south; Dawn in New England; Ann in Canada.

If you have any beautiful fall photos on your blog, drop me a line with your link so I can live vicariously through you, too! Enjoy your fall, wherever you may live!

Looking for some encouragement?

If you look to the sidebar to the right of my posts, you will see some other blogs that I like to visit. Each of them is encouraging in their own way.

Today, in particular, I'd like to encourage you to read Ann's blog. Her cyber home is a place of beauty and refreshment. Today's entry spoke volumes to me and I wanted to share it with you.

I pray that "extreme faith" would be what characterizes me!

If you have any blogs you visit regularly that bring you joy and encourage you in your day to day walk, please drop me a comment and share them with me. I'd love to know what you're reading.

The Twins are a Year Old!

One year ago, I had the privelege and blessing of being with my baby sister on the day she delivered her perfect little twins. Finn and Lucy were born in the early evening on October 17, 2007. I am sworn to secrecy regarding which one arrived first. :-) It doesn't really matter which of them cried first. What matters is that they are so incredibly adorable and that they have a fantastic Mama who has proven that she is more than capable of caring for two babies! I'm very proud of my baby sister and I am head over heels for the twins.

Here are some photos of their party today:

Footloose with Lucy:



Auntie Ronette and Auntie Janette with Finn and Lucy:



Me with Lucy:



Lucy's Cake:



Finny's Cake:



Happy birthday, guys! Auntie loves you! Kisses and Hugs!

Do you see more grey hair today?

On me. Not on yourself.:-)

Where in the world has the time gone? On the Loose looks like the identical twin of Screwloose at that age. Wasn't it yesterday that Screwloose was asking me to play blocks with him; to make him a sandwich; to sit down so he could sit in my lap?

Today marks the beginning of a new era: Screwloose is beginning driver's ed! How can my little guy be considering getting behind the wheel of my car? I still picture him in the carseat in the back pointing out all of the police cars on the road. I still hear him asking me a million questions from behind while his mind worked non-stop.

I just cannot believe that he is approaching adulthood and that he will soon drive out of my sight onto his own adventures without his mom to keep an eye on him and protect him.

It's so hard to let go and to watch him grow. On the other hand, it is exciting to see what the Lord might call him to do and to watch how he will follow. My prayer is that he will take all of the things his dad and I have taught him and go out and make a place for himself all the while showing compassion and generosity to those around him.

Drive safe, son. The road before you is full of twists and turns. Your dad and I will always be home to re-direct you when you get lost and give you directions along the way.

National Day of Remebrance

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

As you all know, we are a family who suffered the loss of an infant and we join together in prayer today for all those who have endured a similar loss.

May God comfort all those whose babies have preceded them to heaven.

A Kid Funny...

This afternoon, I informed On the Loose that we would be having company this evening. He asked who was coming. "Pastor Bob," I answered. This met with much excitement as Pastor Bob is his "favorite." ("Favorite what?" asked Pator Bob. LOL!!)

Anyway, he asked who else was coming so Footloose answered, "Mrs. M and Pastor Mike."

"Who else?" The excitement was growing.

Footloose didn't know who else would be here so she answered, "Well, God will come, too."

No answer from On the Loose.

Tonight, our comapany began to arrive for the scheduled Bible study. We were very pleasantly surprised to see Howard. (We all love Howard! :-)) On the Loose got up onto the couch next to Howard and Howard began making some funny faces at him. He looked at Howard and said, "You're funny, God!"

I thought I would die laughing. He obviously had used process of elimination. Pastor Bob, Mrs. M and Pasotor Mike were all accounted for so, of course, this must be God. :-)

I think it's going to take a while to straighten him out. LOL!!

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Enjoying the Lake

We have been having such a great time in Lake Tahoe. The kids have been having a ball spending time with my mom (they call her "Ma") whom they haven't seen in a year and a half. We've laughed and we've played.

On Monday, we took a leisurely drive around the lake and stopped for a hike at Emerald Bay. It's a steep mile down and a steep mile back up but the views are worth it!













Isn't it just beautiful? It's no wonder this is our favorite place to be together!

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Are We There Yet?

When I was a kid, every parent joked about their kids demanding from the back seat, "Are we there yet?" (Add the whining and imagine the question every 15 minutes.)

Yesterday, we drove 400 miles through the middle of California. Mile upon mile of pistachio trees, grapevines and cows--millions of cows! About every 15 minutes, from the back seat, came the question, "Where are we going, Mommy?" I must say that I apologize for rolling my eyes at my own parents for relating my own back seat antics over the years. Seriously, this should be used as a "technique" for getting the enemy to spill his guts. I wanted to bang my head against the wall. :-)

This morning I sit typing in Sacramento, across the street from the beautiful California State Capitol. In an hour we will take On the Loose to the California State Railroad Museum where he will spend a couple of hours in three year old heaven.

Later, we will make the hundred mile trek through the mountains and get that first view of our beloved Lake Tahoe. My mom is meeting us there this afternoon and we will spend a week sharing our favorite spots with her, playing games, laughing, walking in the brisk morning air and admiring the changing color of the leaves.

Family memories will be lovingly painted in our minds and, in the years to come, we will chuckle over the sounds from the backseat, "Where are we going, Mommy?"

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